Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
