i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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