There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
