my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
