Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
