Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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