How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
