I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
