Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
