I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I forget how to act sober
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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