Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
