there's paper in my vomit.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize