you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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