Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
