It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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