apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize