Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
