i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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