i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
