whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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