did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
