Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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