Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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