No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
