We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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