Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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