he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
