this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He better not be in your backpack
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
