when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My ass is underappreciated
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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