I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
