My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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