if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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