Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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