can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
