i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
