she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
