so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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