I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
