no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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