I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
