its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
