Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
