I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
