What did we do last night that was yellow?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
