Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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