wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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But break dance skills will only take you so far
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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