it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
