He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
