saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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