My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize