I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
