my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
