sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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