Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
