im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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