dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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