suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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