yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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