it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
