i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
