I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
