yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Randomize
