Plan B is the new Plan A
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
