let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
