well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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