happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
