nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
me + whiskey = a bad person
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
