I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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