She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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