I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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