He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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