I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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