Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
