You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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